Today.com posted “If You Can’t Say Something Nice: 7 Awesome Responses to Mom Judging” on Facebook.
My friends at Belly Love Spa tagged me and a few other local mom bloggers in their own post and this is what they said.
“Great article on how to face “judgy moms” and unsolicited parenting advice. It’s safe to say our South Florida moms and moms-to-be know a thing or two about this. What do our favorite #MomBloggers have to say about this? What advice can you give to new moms dealing with this?”
Have you Judged A Mom Today?
I think as a new mom you can’t help but become a “judgy mom“.
You’ve brought home this little human being that has recently come out of your body.
You’re scared out of your mind.
You have no idea what you are doing or how your life is going to change.
So you reach out to the internet, new mom friends, your pediatrician to gather as much information about this new role you are about to take on. After you get all of this information on how to raise your baby, you start to create this mommy handbook for yourself (because no one gives you one).
You decide to breastfeed or bottle feed, vaccinate or not to vaccinate, let them cry it out or co-sleep, and then you find your way. But you think your way is probably the best way because that’s the decision you’ve made. And you’re secretly praying it’s the right one!
Then you find your self drawn to those moms who have made some of the same parenting decisions you have. When you find your tribe and form the security blanket for yourself, the outsiders of that group are going to be judged. I know because I was a new mom once. I had people gasp at me for this and lecture me on that, but I also did the same wondering how could that mom do that or why isn’t she home doing this.
And then came my second daughter. I was now truly humbled. There’s no time for judging. I was way overwhelmed because I thought I knew what I was doing since having my first.
Well, guess what? If you want or are blessed to have a second child, you realize that they don’t eat, poop, sleep, crawl or play the same as your first. I started judging myself more because I thought I had this!
Another A-HA moment for me was….
One day I was at Target and I’m looking for a bigger nightime diaper. My daughter was a tall and long baby and I found myself going into the big kid diapers. She was having accidents the last few nights and the diapers were not big enough I assumed.
While I was looking at the selection, another mother walked up to the same area. She looked so distraught. I couldn’t figure out what size to buy a 2 1/2 year old and I sort of exclaimed that under my breath. The mother looked at me and said, “You know I’m sitting here trying to figure out what size to buy too…..but for a 10 and 12 year old.” The tears were welling up in her eyes and all I wanted to do was give her a hug. Instead of thinking what’s wrong with your kids, I felt for her and how she must be struggling with this situation and trying to do the best she could.
I’ve realized now that every mom has shit going on and it’s all stressful and relative at some point. There are going to be those moms that give unsolicited advice and you need to either take it and put away on your mental notepad or discard and don’t let it get to you.
It’s not easy being a mom these days. So let’s try to take it easy on each other. We’re all human! We’re all moms! We’re all trying to do the right thing with all the information out there!
But most of all… we’re all going through this together!